We're facebook friends in real life
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
