what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
