Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
