Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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