my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
