how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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