i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
