I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
