I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize