I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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