I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
