I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
