i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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