Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
