you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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