Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
