You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
