So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
