she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
