This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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