everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
