I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
