What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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