I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
