Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
