I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize