apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize