he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
