her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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