You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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