i think my tv is drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
