I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
