I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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