I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
