in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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