Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
