Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he fucked my hip out of place.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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