Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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