allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
