I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize