BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let's paint friendship bongs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
