i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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