The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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