I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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