When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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