remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
