I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
