I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
