$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
