If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
